My Angels

"It is not so much our friends' help that helps us as the confident knowledge that they will help us."
- Epicurus

  We came together in the strangest way really. But I guess all friendships are strange. There is no definition of what friendship really means because it means so many different things to so many people. To some it is companionship and security. To some it is a shoulder to cry on. But to us it is different...to us, it is laughter and song and adventure. It is unity and diversity. It is what we believe in when everything is falling apart. If a stranger looked in on us, they would never understand how true the bond really is. But that is kind of the point of a true friendship; it means these people understand when no one else does.

 

First there is Kate D'Orsi. It really isn't a surprise that we met because we live together. But it is a surprise how easily our friendship blossomed. Kate lights up any room she walks into. I remember on move in day, she kept popping into my room asking to help and reminding me to do all sorts of little things on the registration check list. I think the moment I knew we would be friends was when we accidentally stumbled into the wrong suite, completely convinced we lived there until another girl came out and told us we were in the wrong building. We could barely walk down the stairs because we were laughing so hard. She is the glue of our group. She holds everyone together and unites us all with her charm and energy. Kate genuinely cares about other people, and would never let something go unjustified. She is on top of our plans from dinner times to movie nights. Without her we would lost...

Then there is Paige Kelloway. She lights up my world in ways you could never imagine. With the strongest heart I have ever encountered, Paige is passionate about anything and everything she does. On Kate's birthday, Paige walked over a mile to buy candy from a gas station down the road from school to bring back for her. Opening our door and seeing her standing there brought me to tears. She looked at me like it was not even a strange thing that she did. Paige believes in us. That's what she brings to our friend group. She never falters or forgets something important to you. Anything that you love she loves too, simply because that's what friends do. I can always count on a text or a call from her making sure my day went well. When we disagree with her, she listens. She is more valuable to me than she can ever know, because she reminds me of the emotion-filled, passionate person that everyone should always have around them. She is the kind of person who makes you better, just because she is there.

Next is my little rockstar, Rachael Siegel-Berele. I honestly have never met such an influential and talented person. She has this way of summoning a smile to your face, even when you never thought your mood could change. She dances with me, and impersonates everyone you have ever met, and we quotes endless movies together; basically my other half. Rach would not every think about putting herself before others, and she will always be there when you fall down. While she is so strong and steady, she is also filled with emotions that would put even the most incredible poet to shame. When she cries, I can't help but be proud of her. She feels every part of life, every single millisecond. She believes in the good of the world and in the people who affect her. Rachael is someone I would like my daughter to be exactly like. Independent, spirited, and alive. When I am sad or worried, she knows exactly what to say. She jokes about loving to diagnose people, but she doesn't realize that that is the quality that makes her amazing. She knows what is wrong and what can fix it. She keeps the smiles in our group everlasting. She would never let us get down on ourselves or get bored, because that would be a tragedy. She encourages our individual strengths, and isn't afraid to speak her mind. Rachael is the type of person that you listen to, because for whatever reason, she always knows what is best.

Finally there is Robin Gottlieb, our shining star. Robin is brilliant and is the type of person who never goes unnoticed in a crowd. She is beautiful and confident. But she is so much more than that pretty face of hers. Robs is the most positive person I have ever met. She is always smiling and making you realize it is all going to be okay. I never worry when I am with her. There isn't a rhyme or reason, but just because she is Robin. Plenty of our jokes are at her expense, but only because she can handle it. Robin is a doer. She makes us go out when we don't feel like it, she is sure to bring any of us out of a funk, and she never forgets to say her most typical sentence, "Awe babe I love you!". Robin always reminds you of how much you mean to her, and often has moments of clarity for all of us. She vows that we will all be in each other's weddings and babysitting each other's kids. And because of her, I know we all will make it.

"Many people will walk in and out of your life but only true friends leave footprints upon your heart..."

Challenge Accepted

Life always throws hurdles at you when you least expect them. It tests you, it makes you cry, it makes your life difficult. But the harder the hurdle, the higher you realize you can jump. We find our fullest potential when must transcend over the most difficult of challenges. No one ever said at the end of their life, "well that was easy." Because it never is. Life is good and gracious and magnificent; but no one said anything about it being perfect.

When I am in the middle of a conflict, something that seems so big and important at the time, I have to constantly remind myself that it is not the end of the world. In my mind, it always is. We put so much pressure on ourselves to be perfect and to live in a perfect world. But that is not living. Living is jumping and leaping. Living is pretending to be a superhero in your backyard when you are 9. Living is falling and getting back up again. Living is failing three tests in a row before realizing that maybe you are not studying right. Living is flawed, and broken, and indescribable. But it is good.

Then the day comes when you are thankful of all the hurdles. When you realize how strong you are, and you owe every ounce of that credit to life kicking your ass. Everything you thought was insurmountable turns out to be just a blip in your life map. All we can hope for is that the blips are not big enough to make a dent. But even then there is hope. That is the funny thing about living; it deceives you. When you think time is up and there is no where left to turn, there is always more to come.

Our true test of character is not the time it takes to conquer the hurdles, or how perfectly we conquer them. It is rather a sense of endurance. Perseverance is the most esteemed quality we are given in life. I do believe every person has it, it is just a matter of finding it. Digging deep and finding what it is that makes you carry on is what makes a persons strong.

"I think a hero is an ordinary individual who finds strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles..."

-Christopher Reeve

A New Kind of Plan

"They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself." 

-Andy Warhol

When we are children, we never see the hatred of the world. We are instead captivated by its shimmer and shine. The world is a playground, and somewhere along the way, we forget it. But as we grow, we are forced to be reasonable and rational. No longer does the shimmer and shine seem logical, but instead it is seen as a distraction.

For me, there was always a plan. School, marriage, job, kids, make loads of money, and then retire and live a lavish lifestyle. That is the life I assumed was expected of me, because that is what most had done in my family. The idea was that you had to be miserable to be happy in the end. Money mattered; security mattered; the facade mattered. That was the life we were raised living and that seemed like the only endgame.


But one day I decided that was not enough for me. I decided that, to me, the money did not matter. The status did not matter. All that mattered was how I felt, every day, when I got out of bed in the morning. I wanted a life of deliberation and meaning. So I changed my goals. I spent a long time deciding how I would change my plan to fit my needs and wants, but I finally realized the plan was what was holding me back all along. I determined what I wanted in the end. In the end, I wanted to change the world for the better. I wanted to see that world-not in the luxurious way most would wish to see it-in the most humble way possible. I wanted to be a modern day Chris McCandless, minus the dying in a bus part. But the point is that I wanted the liberating feeling that comes with doing something you love.

My goal in life is not money, or fame, or a luxurious lifestyle. Instead, I am going to be the change I want to see in the world. People are always talking about how this country needs fixing and this world needs mending. But without work to be done what would be our purpose? Live a life chalk full of adventures and magnificent stories to tell: that is the goal. Because at the end of my life, I want to look back and see an interesting life, one that was a force to be reckoned with. Not because it made everyone stop and stare, but because it made me happy. And because it made at least one other person want to do the same.

Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: "Always do what you are afraid to do..."

And I intend to do just that.

A Brighter Place

"An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity."

-Martin Luther King, Jr. 

Someone told me once that the world is not a place to be trusted. That I ought to fear it, avoid it, hide from it. 

I refuse to think like so...

I believe in humanity, and in what we are capable of. I believe in the good in the world. I choose to see the magic instead of the darkness. Oh how the world could be if we simply saw the good and trusted life's plan and believed. But instead, I consistently see the belief fading into the shadows. And someday, I hope, I can stop the madness. 

I feel the goodness around me, and the inspiration whispering in the air around all of us. Of course we are confronted by the sadness and the evils. Yet the way we choose to see these things defines us as people; as human beings. It doesn't take much to brighten someone's day. In fact it takes the smallest fraction of effort. And with a few simple words, you could change the way someone sees the world. 

For a long time I believed the terms in which I defined myself were identical to those which others used to define me. Life is not always easy for a young woman. Life is not always easy for anyone. But we carry on. Day after day the sun rises and gives us a second chance. This chance can be used however we wish, whether that be to strike up a conversation with someone you have never taken the time to speak to. Or hugging an old friend, or apologizing for all the tough times, even if they weren't your fault. Or simply looking at the world around you and choosing to see the sunshine that day. We don't deserve yet another chance, we never have. We take them for granted every day, yet they keep coming. To waste such a gift is to waste life itself, and to lose sight of what it means to live and  not simply survive. Tell someone what you really think, or how you feel. Confess your biggest secret. Take a leap of faith. Believe in life again. 

We are interdependent because we were made to be like so. My leap of faith is to see the goodness and the light in every single person's heart. Some may say it is naive, some may say its overly trusting, and some may say it can only end in disappointment. I say that humanity is good. If everyone waits on the person in front of them to take a step in the right direction, we will never move forward. I step forward in the direction of the light and the glimpse of magic that only few seem to stop and look at anymore. Slow down, appreciate the world around you; because it was made for you to believe in. 

Everyday is a gift, and every gift was given by someone who believed before you did. Continue the giving. 

Pain and Fear and All That Holds Us Back

"When you have come to the edge of all light that you know, and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing one of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly."
-Patrick Overton

You are standing on the edge. The edge of existence, the edge of happiness, the edge of everything. Behind you is your life. Everything you have worked to achieve, all your failures, the people you love, the path you were supposed to take. Before you is the possibility, the unknown. What would you do? Would you turn around and return to what you know and love? Or would you take the plunge...



Dwindling on that edge is torturous. Like a ticking clock. It mocks you with that little reminder of where you are in time, and just how much time you have left. The edge tells you what has been. It shows you where you could go. But there are always those persistent feelings that tell you no. They tell you that you never could take the plunge. Pain. The pain of every heartbreak, every failure, every fault. It haunts you like a darkness you could never dream of escaping. And just like the night, it returns following every time you experience the light. Then there is fear. The fear of what could be or what never will be. Fear stops you in your tracks no matter who tells you it will be okay and no matter how many have walked before you. Fear follows pain like a stalker; sulking and ominous without mercy. The edge looks steeper and more dangerous now. Because pain and fear have an iron grip on your heart, holding you back from the plunge you thought you wanted.

It is at this point that true character is distinguished. Not to say that those who retreat are not wise. If anything they are the wisest of us all. Who wouldn't want a life of love and security? These people step away from the edge, into the arms of safety. But why should Pain and Fear be victorious. It can be anything that makes the edge look not so scary anymore. For some its the competition and the need to beat even their invisible opponents. For some its the lack of anything to retreat to. For me, it was the thirst for that unknown. Walking through life with no perception of what is out there except that which everyone else speaks of...that is no way to live. Because we were made to live not to just survive. And I choose to live beyond the edge.